


willing to practice

by howlingheartdemigod (helpmeimstuckon)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beau's parents suck, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, all ships are background - Freeform, heavy found family vibes, home is a touchy concept
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 23:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17755199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimstuckon/pseuds/howlingheartdemigod
Summary: They headed out, and the quiet radiated out from Beau, settling over them all. Beau watched the lightly wooded area, turn into the familiar fields of grape vines. She tensed up, eyes scanning the horizon.“That big tree is the one I fell out of, when I broke my arm.” she said softly. “I kept climbing it, though. Carved my name at the top junction there.”-The Mighty Nein have to visit the place Beau grew up. It sucks.





	willing to practice

**Author's Note:**

> originally a prompt fill on tumblr. "If you are still looking for prompts maybe beau is forced to meet up with her parents, they insult her while jester or yasha or jester and yasha are there with her"  
> took on a life of it's own  
> find me there at howlingheartdemigod
> 
> title from a poem by rupi kaur  
> "To hate  
> Is an easy lazy thing  
> But to love  
> Takes strength  
> Everyone has  
> But not all are  
> Willing to practice"

It was well understood that the last thing Beau wanted to do was visit Kamordah. She, loudly, stated as much, every few miles, in fact. 

“I think we should ghost this fucker.” She said, arms crossed, practically pouting, in the back of the cart. “We dip out, then next time we’re in  the city we steal out blood bac, and say a big ol’ fuck you to the Gentleman while we’re at it.”

Fjord let out a long suffering sigh. “Great idea. Let’s just torpedo an important alliance. Perfect plan.” He rolled his eyes, looking over at her from atop the horse he was riding. 

Jester turned around on the bench at the front, batting her eyelashes. “We will only he there for a day Beau.” she reminded. “And anyway, we don’t know if the rich people we’re going to find are your parents anyway. We might be stealing the stuff back from some random rich people.” 

Beau grumbled a little bit, leaning back against the cart. They were right, of course. They needed to fix their relationship with the Gentleman. Especially after fucking off the the ocean, and then the Xiorhausian conflict for months. Favors received required favors given, and this is what the Gentleman needed done. 

Still, it didn’t sit right with her, going back there. It made her nervous, made her stomach twist.

Beau felt a knee bump hers, and looked up, catching Caleb’s eye. There was an understanding there; Caleb could see this was just fear. Fear of going back to the place where she was hurt. Fear of dragging others there. He could recognize it, recognize the pain. She appreciated that he didn’t think her pain was stupid, was silly, even though it wasn’t as serious by comparison.

He gave her a little smile. “You have friends who have your back now.” He told her mirroring her words from their journey to Felderwin. “We’re here to defend you, and kick some ass. Just like you do for us.” 

Beau looked at him for a second, then nodded, eyes dropping. There was a snap, and Frumpkin appeared in her lap. He turned circles, then curling up to sleep. Beau pet him behind the ears, letting the sleeping Faye calm and distract her.

A few miles along, Caduceus spoke up from where he was steering the cart next to Jester. “Someone up ahead.” He called back. Beau reached for her staff, straightening her back. She leaned an arm over the side of the cart, looking down the road. She felt the weight of Frumpkin shift off her lap, and saw Nott move to sit just behind Caduceus, hiding in case she needed the element of surprise. 

Beau squinted, head tilting, but it was Jester who saw first, gasped and let out a little laugh. “It’s okay!” she said. “It’s Yasha!”

 

* * *

 

Yasha joined their little parade a few miles outside of town, to cheers, and hugs from Nott, Caduceus, and Jester They explained where they were headed, and then set off. They shifted around the cart, Jester and Nott taking the horse that had been trailing behind, Caleb moving to sit by Caduceus, Beau and Yasha in the back of the cart. 

“We’re going to you hometown?” Yasha asked Beau. 

Beau nodded. “Yeah, uh… Yeah, but I don’t want to spend too much time there. The Stormlord lead you this way?” she asked. 

“Yes.” she said nodding. “I believe he knows that I wish to come back to you, uh, you all.” she said, nodding a little. She shook her head, seeming to search for something else to say. “It will be nice to see where you grew up.” Yasha said. 

Beau let out a little broken laugh. “Well, I hope that you all don’t actually have to. That estate sucked.” 

“We aren’t gonna go there.” Jester called from the horse. “We’re gonna run in, get the stuff from the rich people, and get out. But if we do, we’re gonna run and smash shit and take it and run!” 

“Yeah!” Nott said, from where she was holding on to Jester’s cloak. “It’s gonna be great.” 

Yasha nodded a little. “It would be nice to see a little bit of it as we smash things, then, if we have to go there.”

Beau smiled, nodding a little in agreement. “Yeah, smash shit and run.”

 

* * *

 

It quickly became clear that it was definitely Beau’s parents who screwed the Gentleman over. Beau went quiet as they loaded into the cart to head the few miles out of town to the vineyard. 

“Beau,” Caduceus said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t have to come with us.” He said. “You don’t have to go back there.”

Beau looked at her friends, strapped up to go and head out and deal with her family. “Yeah, yeah I do, Duceus.” she said. “But, thank you.” she said. 

Beau headed towards one of the horses, but she felt a hand grab her wrist. Jester gave her a little smile, and pulled her towards the card. “Sit with me.” she said. 

Beau nodded, and clamored up into the cart, words not coming. Jester held her hand, as Nott hopped up into the cart, tucking against her side. 

They headed out, and the quiet radiated out from Beau, settling over them all. Beau watched the lightly wooded area, turn into the familiar fields of grape vines. She tensed up, eyes scanning the horizon. 

“That big tree is the one I fell out of, when I broke my arm.” she said softly.

Jester followed her gaze. “Oh, yeah, that makes sense.”

“I kept climbing it, though.” she said, nodding. “Carved my name at the top junction there.”

Beau forced herself to keep talking, telling little stories about growing up. Trying to keep her head clear. She couldn’t go in ruled by fear. She couldn’t let that rule her. 

Nott started asking questions, laughing a little at funny things. She started to supply her own stories, of Luke as a toddler, trying similar escapades to Beau’s. She felt her heart catch in her throat. Nott had chosen to leave Luke and Yeza in Allfield, to keep traveling with them, to find a way to become a halfling again, and because she wanted to stay with her friends, but it clearly weighed on her. Hearing her talk about Luke, hearing her relate to Beau’s stories, it made Beau feel closer to her than she could possibly explain. 

Beau was feeling better, swapping stories as they rode along.

But the top of the house, the manor, came into view and her voice got caught in her throat. 

“They have a son.” she reminded they quietly. “He’s just a kid, so… you know… don’t let me burn the house down.”

Frumpkin suddenly appeared on her shoulder, purring, which was a little comfort, but not enough. She reached the hand Jester wasn’t holding back to scratch the cat, lifting her eyes to the wizard riding in the front of the cart. Caleb gave her a nod, a promise. 

The stopped a few dozen meters from the door, and she let out a little breath, then slid to the edge of the cart. She picked up her staff, and jumped off, turning towards the house that was once her house. She walked towards the door, and stomped up the stairs putting on all her vibrato and confidence before her friends could even get off the cart to back her. She hit the door with her staff, then took a step back. 

“Come out, asshole, I know your home, you never leave.” She called, scowling. “Mother dearest.” She shouted. “Father o’ mine. I’ve got business with you.”

Beau stared at the doors with rage in her veins, waiting for the showdown she’d been building for her whole life. She took a step back when she heard it unlock, hands curling into fists. She took a deep breath and held it, feeling a strong presence step beside her, feeling some kind of reassuring energy pouring towards her. She couldn’t bring herself to look over and find out who’d joined her on the porch, though. She had to keep her ground. 

The little huff of disgust was expected, when her father's eyes locked on her. She suddenly realized she should have tied her robes proper. She should have changed. She should have washed her hair, or scrubbed some of the blood away. She lifted her chin a little as her father looked past her. “What kind of riff raff have you dragged onto my lands, Beauregard.”

Beau swallowed, “We’ve been hired to retrieve an item you stole. Let us in or we’ll bring crowns guard. We’ve already found some you haven’t paid off.” 

She watched her father scowl and think, clearly wanting to turn them away, but not wanting the trouble. “Well,” He said, making up his mind. “Do come in, then.” He turned his back, leaving the door open. 

Beau turned her head to nod them inside, and quickly realized that they were all still behind her, down the steps. She looked to her other side, noticing that the heat, body heat she’d been sure, was gone. She blinked, and took a shocked breath. There was no one there, but, the air, she realized, smelled like lavender. 

 

* * *

 

Beau stood with her arms crossed in the open entryway. She knew that the stairs to the left lead to the library and her fathers office. She knew the ones to the right lead to the wing that housed the various bedrooms. On the main floor to the right was the dining room, the kitchens, the sitting room. Far back into the house on the left was the master suite was. She’d been in the upstairs wing, housing the bedrooms for guests, and for her. She knew there was what she knew was supposed to be a nursery near the master. She’d never lived in it.

The space was all pale golds and dark browns. It was supposed to make you think of royalty. Make you think of wealth. Make you think that their money was older and more powerful than it was. She’d called her father a moonshine peddler once. He’d thrown the expensive bottle of red he’d been holding at her head. Luckily he had shit aim. 

There were small benches on either side of the door. One of them, she knew, had her name carved into the back. She’d pulled it out and quietly scraped it in one day, out of boredom. The paintings on the walls were all of old family members, and a few of the vineyards themselves. Beau hated it.

She stayed quiet as Caleb explained very carefully, that they wouldn’t be leaving without the property that Beau’s father had unlawfully stolen. They knew, from Beau, that his father had the local guard in his pocket, but Jester wouldn’t hesitate sending a message to friends a little farther off to come by. 

Beau just stood there, trying to keep from looking around. Trying to keep from caring about every little thing that had changed. 

Beau’s mother came down the stairs, and let out a shocked little gasp. “Beauregard.” she said, brow lifting in horror. Beau thought about how she must look through her mother's eyes; half shaven, a tattoo peeking out the back of her robe, still dirty from the road, probably still bloody as well, surrounded by a band of people from races her mother would routinely scoff at and judge. She was the farthest thing from the daughter she’d tried to hard to mold her into. “You should not be here.”

“It’s fine.” Her father spoke up, interrupting her mother how he always did. “They’ll be leaving shortly.” He called a servant over, and instructed them on what to go get. Fjord walked over to Beau, brow lifting. “You good?” He asked.

Beau looked over at him, and swallowed. She nodded, but something in her eye betrayed her. 

“For the record,” He said, voice still low. “You clearly made more of yourself than they ever could have dreamed here. Not enough imagination to understand you.” 

Beau gave him a half second of a tense smile. “Thanks Fjord.” she said, reaching to give him a hard pat on the arm. 

She heard a scoff from nearby, and looked over to see her mother’s upturned nose. “Should have known.” she said, even though at the distance she couldn’t possibly have heard the conversation. Beau scowled at her, hands curling into fists. “You come in here, acting like a man, disgusting, and fraternizing with monstrous races.” Her eyes stuck on Nott, who was hovering by the door. “You were always trouble, Beauregard,” Her mother continued, before looking to Fjord. “but  _ bedding  _ one? That’s disgusting.” 

Beau looked from her mother, to Fjord, then back. “Are you kidding?” She said. “How did catching me with my head up a girls dress not alert you to the fact that I’m not interested in men?” she asked. 

Beau’s father let out a hiss. “You can’t expect us to believe a dalliance like that was going to hold. But if it has, clearly this is just proof of what we already knew.” 

“Oh and what was that, hua?” she spat, taking a step towards him, footsteps echoing in the empty space. “What? come on, I’d love to hear an original thought from your tiny brain.”

His face contorted into something like a grimace. “You are a disgrace, Beauregard. You’re a mistake. You shouldn’t have ever been born in the first place.”

As blood rushed Beau’s ears it was all she could think that she didn’t think he’d have the balls to say it. She’d always known what her parents thought of her, but she didn’t think he would go for the throat like that. And, despite knowing, despite preparing herself for a fight, she felt herself go still, go quiet, go cold. She felt her staff slip slightly in her grip, the end of it striking the ground, the curl of her fingers just keeping it from falling. She felt her breath catch, in shock, in pain. Saw the world slow down as her father sneered at her, the form of her mother a few paces back from him, looking almost smug. 

Time zoomed back in, though, when she saw the tip a great sword press to her father's throat, when she saw her mother tense, hands going to her head. She blinked, taking in the forms of Jester, fingers alight with green energy, hand lifted towards her mother, and Yasha, rage in her eyes, keeping her blade pressed to his neck. 

Yasha spoke, “You, sir, are the disgrace. You abused and belittled your child into believing she wasn’t deserving. You treated her like she was a burden, not a gift. You, frankly, didn’t deserve her. And I fear for the child you have now. I truly hope he breaks free of your grasp before you ruin him like you’ve ruined yourself.” 

Jester hissed something in infernal to punctuate. Beau felt like the air was lead as the servant who’d been sent off entered the room. His eyes went wide at the scene around him. Caleb stepped forward, a hand outstretched for the parsel. She heard the door open behind her. She heard Caduceus’ soft voice call Jester and Yasha. She watched the tense stare down between Yasha and her father, before Yasha sheathed her weapon. She heard Jester hiss something else to her mother who responded by cowering. Beau stared at her parents, trying to decide how to feel. Trying to get her feet moving. 

Yasha put an arm around Beau’s shoulder, turning her. Jester looped her arm around her waist. They walked her out. 

They got her into the cart, waiting until they were a ways away to start talking, start trying to get Beau to come back to. Jester was on one side of her, all soft curves and words sharp throwing them back towards the manor. Yasha framed her other side, taking her hand, made of hard lines, and delicate actions.

Beau stared at the building that used to be her house, and took a breath. “We should have smashed more shit.” she managed, slumping between them. 

There was a laugh from nearby, and Nott handed Beau her flask. 

That place had been her house growing up, sure, but this, tucked between two women who were ready to kill for her at a moments notice, surrounded by the people she'd chosen, this was home.


End file.
